Interracial Dating: If White Men Don’t Care, Why Should We?

Recently, while engaging in yet another dead-end discussion about black men dating white women, I made a statement that interracial marriage should be made illegal again in this country. I was partially being facetious, but to be honest, I am a woman who feels strongly about interracial dating/marriage, particularly between black men and white women.
This isn’t a new issue in the black community; in fact the topic has probably been beaten to death. But recently I began thinking, if white men don’t care about their women being “taken” by black men, why do black women take black men’s decision to date outside of their race so personal?
Never have I heard of a white man, except maybe the grand dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, denouncing interracial relationships between black men and white women the way black women do. Is it because we really care about establishing strong black homes for black children to grow in, or is it because we feel personally rejected when the star athlete or Columbia business school graduate chooses to scoop up the first white woman he sees rather than find an educated African American female counterpart to build a home with?
If the first part were true then we really wouldn’t care about the unemployed black man in the hood living with his mama while Becky takes care of their two biracial children, because even though we know good and well we don’t want that man, we still give him and his baby mom rude stares when we see them out together.
You won’t find a white man doing this. Perhaps it’s because they have a bigger pond of successful white women to choose from than we do successful black men. Maybe that’s why we feel a sharp pang of anger every time we think we’ve “lost” another good brother to a white woman.
My opposition of black men dating white women stems from the fact that I’ve never heard black men express a genuine admiration for white women. Although I’m sure there are some brothers who truly love the white woman they are with, I typically hear such explanations as “black women have too much attitude,” “white women know their place and don’t complain,” “white women know how to make a man feel good,” and other explanations of sexually explicit acts as reasons for dating white women.
Of course a black woman is going to take offense to that and frankly be disappointed that, rather than step up to the plate, some black men have chosen to take the easy way out, and date someone they can run over and control. But what about white women’s reasoning for dating black men, which at the risk of being stereotypical, I feel typically has to deal with this fantasy of buck-wild sex from a well-endowed man.
You never hear a white man complain about a white woman giving it up to a brother instead of him; in fact, I’m willing to bet he would quickly give the brother a high-five at his conquest, because they probably believe in the Mandingo myth as well. There are some white men who even support their wives seeking out black men or going on destination trips to screw some man from the Caribbean because they want their wives to be pleased sexually (see: myth).
The more I think of the superficial reasons for these interracial rendezvous the angrier I get that these black men can’t see the value in being with a woman of color and working for the relationship. But when it comes down to it, the problem is there’s, not mine. Regardless of why white men don’t care and why we do care, perhaps its time to stop giving so much energy to the topic. The angrier we get at the idea, the more black men use it as ammunition to continue to seek women outside of their race. And really, what are we achieving by constantly bashing the brothers that consciously or unconsciously make this dating choice?
Yes, we know the stats on how many black men are gay and in jail and how many black women are single, but at the end of the day, a man is going to do what he wants to do regardless, which likely will include dating a white woman. So really, if white men don’t care, why should we?

[Originally Posted Here]

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