He can get it was the first thought that came to mind when I saw a guy on the subway one night after work. Based purely on physical attraction, I knew I wanted to be intimate with him, but once we started dating did I let him know? No. Why? Because he had to work for it. That’s right. Even though I may have wanted to be easy, I wasn’t going to be.
Many men seem to see this as some sort of trickery devised by women to make them suffer, or simply put, “she’s on games.” I personally see it as a form of protection not manufactured by Trojan. With many men just after the panties, waiting weeds out the panty chasers from the potential catches.
When I say work, I don’t mean jump through hoops like a dog and I’ll give you a reward at the end for your efforts. I mean work as in applying the same type of mindset that goes along with attaining anything else in life that requires due diligence-if it comes too easy, you won’t appreciate it.
We all know there is a double standard when it comes to women having sex with a man too soon and if a woman knows that she wants to have a daytime relationship that isn’t limited to late night texts and sleepovers, then most likely she’s going to wait. Time and time again I hear men try to deny that they don’t judge a woman who gives it up too soon, but I’m willing to bet that if she gives it up on the first date, he’s going to wonder how many other men got the same deal.
Premature sex has a low relationship success rate, and really where can you go from sleeping with someone who you just met other than his bed or yours? Rarely do women just want sex. Unless we’ve got someone else fulfilling our emotional needs, sleeping with someone too soon will catch up with us in some form or another. I’m not talking about some arbitrary 90-day rule either, although I tried that once. I’m talking about establishing a mental and emotional connection with someone before a physical one, however much time that takes.
Waiting is more than just a test where the most valiant man proves the victor; it demonstrates value not only in ourselves, but in the man as well. Let’s not neglect the fact that we all should get tested before we have a new sexual partner, and since I know of no 24-hour clinics administering rapid HIV tests, you can’t possibly know someone’s status when you leave the club with them—all the more reason to wait it out for at least another 7 to 10 business days.
Of course, the “ultimate” wait would be waiting until marriage, but if I were to address that my argument would turn into a sort of backwards abstinence-only talk given to 6th graders that denies the reality that most of those adolescents simply won’t be virgins when they walk down the aisle. My point is that when a woman decides to wait before she takes it to the next level it’s for both partners’ sake. Who knows, after you spend a little time with each other you may not even want to take it there, and who really needs another unnecessary notch on their belt?
Stop giving women a hard time for having some standards. Any other time we’re called all sorts of names for being promiscuous, but when we want to put the breaks on with you all of a sudden it’s a problem. So what if when we meet you we’ve already made up in our mind that you can get it? It’s up to us to determine when.