I accidentally gave my number to a guy last week. I know, there’s no way to really accidentally give your number to anyone, but sometimes after I get off of at my train stop, I forget that my name is Rosa and I have a boyfriend (unless of course the guy is cute, in which case I’m Brande Victorian, single, and free this weekend).
When the guy called the next day and asked if I wanted to hang out this weekend I was annoyed—the ones you want to call never do and the ones you don’t want to call always do so within 24 hours and have a premeditated plan for your “date.” I told him I was at work, which I was, and that I would call him later. I never did.
My think tank told me to go out with him, as they always do whenever I find myself in this sticky situation, and for different reasons. My sister thinks he might be a great guy (I roll my eyes), my best friend thinks that I should get out of the house, and my other friend is a proponent of free food and drinks. But I’m not interested, it’s too hot, and I hate for a man to come out of his pocket for no reason.
I hear advice all the time encouraging women to date for fun, which I think means don’t expect every man that you go out with to be your husband, but the idea of having to entertain or be entertained by a man that I have no interest in for 2-5 hours just never appealed to me.
The thing is, when you agree to go on a date, you’re giving the other person the green light of interest. Even if you preface the acceptance with a “I’m not interested in dating anyone” speech, the fact that you said yes means you didn’t say no and the other person thinks there is a chance that you can be convinced otherwise. Is a drink or two worth that? (If I didn’t get paid this week, maybe, but I just never felt right basically making a man spend money when I knew my level of interest was below zero—shout out to all the other non-golddiggers—and I’m not going dutch for unwanted company.)
The joy of going out with someone you’re not interested in is that there is no pressure to impress them. The downside of going out with someone you’re not interested in is that there is no pressure to impress them. Part of the reason I leave the house is just so I can dress up and there is something equally nauseating and exhilarating about going on a date with someone you actually think you could have a future with.
There were a few times when I’ve reneged on my stance and accepted some date offers reluctantly, at which point my hair was stroked and I was asked, “is this all you,” or I was nestled in the armpit of the foul-breathed stranger in a too-small comedy club. But then again a guy I really liked kept me waiting for two hours in front of Penn Station, so what is that saying?
Yesterday, I contemplated calling the guy, whose name I can’t quite recall, but for ill reason—I thought it might make an interesting blog post. However my conscious got the best of me and here I am writing anyway. Part of me sees dating as an opportunity to “test the waters”, find out what you like and don’t like, but then again I already pretty much know what I want and the fact that I’m not accepting the invitation to hang out lets me know that it isn’t him.
Anyway, I’m curious to see how some of you approach dating. Is it all or nothing, as in you want a proposal at the end of the night, or just for fun (and martinis)?