Invisible Man

My father was absentee, but I pretty much reject any implication that I have “daddy issues” that affect my choices in men. I don’t date older men, short men, selfish men, self-righteous men, I’m not promiscuous, nor do I hate men. However when I do look back on all of the men that I have been involved with, there is one common factor: all of them were there, but not really.

My dad was in and out—miscellaneous phone calls, random visits when he’d expect me to drop everything and see him, no assistance when I called and needed something from him. But as a child, I had a step dad, so I felt I wasn’t cheated out of much. He was present for the good stuff and I didn’t really have to answer to him in the same way I would a biological father—I actually felt lucky in comparison to the strict fathers all of my friends had.

Fast forward ten years or so and I’m noticing that I’ve come across very similar patterns in dating. There’s the old high school acquaintance that I can spend hours talking to on the phone from hundreds of miles away, but only one night with in person. The guy I was “just talking to” who supposedly wanted to make sure he could trust me before he gave me his undivided time and attention. The on-again, off-again boyfriend who I had access to maybe three days a week if he felt like it, and who would disappear every two-three months. Sprinkle in a few other incognegros and you’ve got a recipe for severe unhappiness. None of these men were present; they made cameos when they wanted to, talked to me when they felt like it, and went on their way whenever it was convenient for them.

And I allowed it. Read more @Clutch


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