A few days ago I came across a two-year-old email of a quiz I’d taken that asked, “Are You Controlling?” I’d taken it after assertions from my boyfriend at the time that I was trying to control him because I actually thought that he should be at my house when he said he would, or call if he was going to be late, or call me period. Go figure.
I took his charge into consideration for all of about a three-day weekend before I realized it was total BS. I had absolutely no desire to control him, what I wanted was accountability. Control is wanting someone to do X, Y and, Z simply because you say so—it’s about power (and sometimes insecurity). Accountability is about respect for the other person and your relationship—it’s not putting your partner in a position to question the validity of where you say you’ve been or what you say you’ve done. But sometimes you can’t tell a man (or woman) that.
I’m not sure where or when the fear that all women want to control men first originated, but it seems to be the first thing a man thinks of when a woman asks for or suggests anything to a man. I’ve had male friends tell me that they won‘t do something their girl asks them to do out of spite for their assumption that she only asked them to do it to control them. Or they’ll purposely wait and do it later to prove it was on their time.
I can be wrong in assuming most women are like me, but I have no desire to control a man. There’s actually something very unattractive (to me) about a man who will jump whenever I snap my fingers. I prefer that a man do something out of love and concern for me, rather than because I said so. I don’t want a robot or a puppet. I want a man who takes care of business because he cares.
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